Saturday, May 5, 2012

Take Me As I am, Hire Me, or Leave Me 22

Late Friday afternoon I was sitting in my boss's office, with a look of concern on my face.  Just a few hours ago I was bouncing around the office with excitement, now I'm sitting in front of her almost in tears. "What's wrong" she asked me?
"I'm scared to tell my parents the good news." She looked at me confused. 
I tried to explain to her that all my life my parents have found a way to say negative things to me even if they didn't realize it.  For example, two weeks ago I was having lunch with my parents and we were talking about my graduation dinner, my father says, "didn't we just celebrate your high school and college graduation a few years ago? Why do we have to do it again?" (1.Ouch, that was a low blow, how could they not be excited that their little girl is getting a maters degree? 2. my HS graduation was almost 10 years ago and my college graduation was  5 years ago.)
My boss assured me my parents will be thrilled with the exiting news and that tonight was about me not them.

I hate to admit this, but she was right. ( SHH don't tell her I said that.)  After the wine was poured at dinner,  I lifted up my glass and said " cheers to my new job" My parents let out cries of excitement as the whole restaurant looked at us. Not only was it a good moment, it was a good dinner. Not once did they say anything negative. Finally, they shared this moment with me by celebrating my success and not once did they make it about them. It was an amazing feeling.

I had another great feeling this week. On Wednesday, my mentor was finally able to call me. She had been away on business for the weekend and even though we spoke over text, it didn't feel "official" until I heard her voice. She was SOOO excited, which made me feel awesome. She couldn't stop telling me how proud she was. " I know how hard you worked for this moment, you did this, you know? she said to me . " I couldn't have done it without your help." I said " NO, you DID this yourself, I just cheered you on" she said. She has a way of reminding me  I need to OWN my accomplishments. From that moment on I was owning this accomplishment. 

Later in the day I sent her a text about how I am lucky to have her as a mentor in my life  and how good it feels to have someone cheering you on and celebrating with you along the way. She responded: " I am lucky to be a part of your journey. You have worked hard for this and I am so proud of you and especially glad to know that YOU are proud of YOU!" I took a moment to think about what she said. Of course I am proud of myself but I have always brushed my success under the rug.  In my mind it has always been an expectation that  I graduate from High school and College. Why should I celebrate if I am expected to do so. But now I realize the reason why I haven't been satisfied with my success is because I never gave the credit to myself. Did you see easier how I gave my mentor credit. Yes, she cheered me along the way, gave me a few pointers but I did all the work and that is what she is excited for. She finally sees that I am proud of myself and so am I :)

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